<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Release by Tolyys</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27205115">Release</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tolyys/pseuds/Tolyys'>Tolyys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hetalia: Axis Powers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Hurt/Comfort, dadmark and sonland, dennor if you squint really hard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,098</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27205115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tolyys/pseuds/Tolyys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Emil feels like he's suffocating. Matthias might not understand why, but that's okay. He's not going anywhere.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Release</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“No! You don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>get</span>
  </em>
  <span> it!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emil can barely hear the door slamming behind him over the anger throbbing in his ears, much less what he assumes is Lukas shouting his name. All he knows is </span>
  <em>
    <span>he has to get out of there</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His socks crack through the icy layers of snow. He sucks in rapid, frigid breaths that sting his lungs and grate at the back of his throat, but it’s fine because he just needs to breathe. The hot suffocation of their living room is too much and he has to </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The farther he dashes into the backyard, the colder his arms grow against the air, the harder it gets to feel his own feet, the dimmer the warm lights from the windows become until he’s unable to see past his own breath anyway. He doesn’t care. He runs until he can’t breathe fast enough, until his heart rate rivals his racing mind, until his toe catches on something hidden under the snow- a root, a stray piece of ice, a throb in his fury strong enough to send his center of gravity spinning like a stone on a frozen lake- and he collapses to the ground. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t get up. He rolls over, glares scathingly up at the frosted moon, and yells. He tucks his stomach and screams until he can feel his desperate heartbeat slamming in his windpipe and he’s forced to gasp again. He can feel his lips trembling, breaths shooting past them and billowing up into the inky emptiness above him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emil isn’t sure when he started crying. All he knows is that he can hear his sobs echoing back to him, and taste his tears wetting his cracked lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Why can’t Lukas understand? Why does he have to treat everything like he knows best, like Emil should have to write him an essay about the way he’s feeling? Why does he have to smother Emil like this? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emil’s lungs shudder with each sob. He can’t stop them so he lets them out, one rolling right after the other in a dizzying avalanche that continues unrelenting until it slows of its own accord. He has no idea how long he’s been lying there, but by the time he’s done crying, he feels frozen into the earth itself. His eyelashes are stiff and his lips are stuck parted, as if instead of his breaths, his exhausted soul is trailing out from between his teeth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the wake of the avalanche, he is left hollow, shattered, and crushingly empty.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>From behind him, the squeak of the door slices through the silence. The snow crunches under heavy boots, and then a pair of knees as someone sinks down next to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emil doesn’t look. He grits his teeth, turning his head away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk to you, Lukas.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, kiddo, it’s just me.” Matthias’s voice shocks him, despite its gentleness. “Just thought you might be getting cold out here. I, uh, brought you a coat. And some cocoa.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emil turns his head then. Matthias is crouching just to his left, bundled up in a coat and a scarf. True to his word, he has another coat draped over his arm, and a steaming mug grasped in his gloved hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Though he hesitates at first, Emil slowly eases himself up. His eyes are downcast, but he allows Matthias to drape the coat over his shoulders. He wraps his icy fingers around the mug, the warmth from the drink making them tingle. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I still don’t want to talk about it,” he mutters. His voice hurts from crying. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to say anything.” Matthias shifts so he’s sitting in the snow, pulling his knees up so his elbows can rest on them. “I just wanna tell you a couple things.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emil shrugs a little, just with one shoulder, half-inviting him to continue. It’s not as if he can stop him anyway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lukas doesn’t mean to push you about the way you’re feeling,” Matthias begins, and Emil resists the urge to roll his eyes. “He just worries.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Emil laughs weakly, bitterly. He draws his own knees up to his chest, resting his chin on them. “I figured that part out for myself.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s… not good at this stuff.” Matthias rubs the back of his neck. “Neither am I, not really. We’re both still learning, I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, if you’re just out here to defend Lukas, you can go back inside.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Em, that’s not what I meant.” A few moments pass in silence, as Matthias apparently struggles to string his thoughts together. “I guess I’m just trying to say we worry about you, but we don’t mean to be so intrusive.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emil doesn’t speak, but he lets his eyes wander up to Matthias’s face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, jeez, kid.” Matthias offers him a crooked, almost guilty smile. “I might not have the slightest clue what’s going on in your head. But... that’s fine, because no matter what it is, you’re still allowed to just feel the way you’re feeling, y’know? You don’t owe us an explanation.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Some of the tension is beginning to melt from Emil’s muscles. His chin lifts from his knees again, just slightly, and he draws the mug of cocoa closer to his chest. Matthias reaches out and takes his shoulder with a gentleness Emil had never known he could muster. His hand engulfs Emil’s thin shoulder with ease, and the action is what finally shatters the emptiness in his chest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re here for you, and that’s all you need to remember when you’re feeling like this. You don’t even have to say anything.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias gives Emil’s shoulder a little squeeze, before getting to his feet. He offers Emil a hand up. “Come on. Let’s get back inside before you catch a cold, yeah? Your socks are probably soaked by now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For a few long moments, Emil remains on the ground, simply looking up at the hand. He lets his breaths ease in and out, watches the winter air swirl around the warmth of the porch light behind Matthias. Things don’t feel quite as crushing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He takes the hand, and allows Matthias to pull him to his feet. Matthias draws him into a quick hug.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Emil breathes, and although it’s barely a whisper, he means it. It’s not okay, but it’s better now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matthias offers him another lopsided smile. No words need be spoken. He keeps an arm tightly around him, warding off the cold as they shuffle through the snow, back toward the light of the house, together. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sometimes you just need dadmark and sonland and I feel like there's not enough of em &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>